The Accidental De-Aging of Professor Snape
by RainyDayReading
Summary: When Harry accidentally turns Professor Snape into a baby, he, Ron, and Hermione only have one person to turn to- the best Potions student in their year, Draco Malfoy. Of course, none of them are happy about this arrangement… and will Malfoy even agree to help them, or will the Golden Trio be stuck dealing with a baby Snape for the rest of the year? (Rated T just to be safe)
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to chapter 1 of _The Accidental De-Aging of Professor Snape!_ I hope you enjoy! Please leave a review and tell me what you think! :)**

 **(Please note: the gheginjor root plant and the emouria plant were both created by me, as was the recipe for the health potion.)**

 **(Another note: This is the second Harry Potter multi-chapter I've started this week. The other one is called _Nargles Don't Wear Capes_ \- please take a look at it!)**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"Professor Dumbledore, sir," Harry stammered, jogging to keep up with the headmaster's long strides as they hurried down the Hogwarts corridor. "Please, I can do better in class. I promise."

"Harry," Dumbledore sighed, "you're failing Potions. That much is clear. Professor Snape can help you."

"The slimy git _hates_ me!" Harry burst out.

Dumbledore shot him a look.

Groaning, Harry tried a different approach. "Hermione's good at Potions, sir. I can get help from her, or even Ron, if you want me to! _Please_ don't make me take lessons with Snape."

 _"Professor_ Snape," Dumbledore corrected, not unkindly. "And I very much doubt Mr. Weasley would be able to help you with Potions, anyhow."

Harry felt his hope slip away. There was no changing Dumbledore's mind; he was going to be subjected to one hour of Potions tutoring with Snape _every single day,_ and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

When they reached the Potions classroom, Harry allowed Dumbledore to enter first, silently debating if he could get away with pulling a Stupefy on both the headmaster _and_ on the Potions professor. Probably not, he decided, stepping into the classroom.

It was empty except for Snape, who was sitting at his desk idly leafing through a stack of papers.

When Dumbledore walked in, Snape gave him a respectful nod. "Albus."

The moment Snape's beady eyes caught sight of Harry, however, he scowled. "Potter."

"Snape," Harry shot back, matching his scowl.

"That's _Professor_ Snape to you," replied the greasy-haired, ugly, son of a-

"Mr. Potter!" Dumbledore said loudly, clapping his hands once. "That's enough." He focused his attention on Snape. "Severus, it has come to my attention that Harry is failing your class."

"If he paid attention more often," Snape said coolly, "he would probably be a bit more successful."

"Well," Dumbledore continued, not the least bit deterred, "I've decided that you will tutor Harry for one hour each day until he excels at Potions."

Snape paled. "But that'll take _months,_ Albus!"

Harry snorted at the thinly veiled insult.

"Severus," Dumbledore said, his voice quiet but firm, "it does not really matter to me how long it takes, as long as it gets done."

The professor deflated slightly, seeing he wasn't going to win the argument. "Of course. We'll get working right away."

Dumbledore beamed. "Wonderful," he said brightly, patting Harry on the back before leaving the classroom in a sweep of his robes.

"Wonderful," Harry remarked sarcastically, glaring at Snape. "Now teach me, already, so I can leave."

"You're just like your father," Snape sneered at him.

Harry's hands clenched into fists, but he said nothing.

"Fine," Snape conceded after a moment of tense silence. "Follow me."

Harry nodded and followed Snape to the other side of the classroom, where a cauldron was sitting in the corner.

"Look inside," Snape ordered.

Harry peered inside the cauldron, making a face. It was half-filled with some sort of thick, greenish-purple goop that occasionally bubbled and squelched.

"Can you tell me what that is?" Snape asked.

Harry wrinkled his nose. "Er… Hippogriff dung and crushed leaves of some sort?"

Snape scoffed. "Come on, Potter, you can do better than that."

Harry sighed in frustration. "No, I _can't._ I have absolutely _no idea_ what you've got in that cauldron."

"Think," Snape responded calmly. "What have we been learning about in class for the past few days? Or have you been too engrossed in talking to your friends to notice?"

Harry grit his teeth. "We were… in class, we were talking about…" He exhaled through his nose, trying to think back to Snape's Potions lessons, but he couldn't remember a single detail- they were just too _boring_ for him to bother with.

"Right," Snape sighed. "Of course you don't remember."

Harry opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it again. If he let the professor help him, his tutoring sessions would be over faster.

"Inside this cauldron is gheginjor root. Do you know what that is?"

 _Gheginjor root._ The name sounded vaguely familiar…

He snapped his fingers. "Hermione was rambling on about that stuff the other day, in the Common Room!" he exclaimed. "It helps give you strength, right?"

"Correct, Mr. Potter," Snape said flatly. "Good to know Miss Granger has at least been _trying_ to instill some knowledge into your thick skull. Anyway, yes; gheginjor root, when brewed with emouria nectar creates a drought that will rejuvenate people- the elderly, in particular- and make them feel healthier."

He paused, glancing at Harry as if to make sure he was paying attention. When he found the boy's eyes trained on him, he continued.

"Now, in this cauldron I have the crushed root, stirred with water. What do I need to complete the potion?"

"Emouria nectar," Harry replied promptly. "I _was_ listening, Professor, despite what you may think."

"Astounding," Snape remarked dryly. "Mr. Potter was _listening_ to me for once. Incredible. Perhaps we should record this event in history books, just to have some evidence of it."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Can we get on with it?"

Snape looked down at him distastefully. "For today's lesson, you will extract the nectar from the emouria plant and add it to the drought. Let's see if you can complete a task as simple as that, shall we?"

"Where's the plant?" Harry asked.

Snape made a vague motion to a small shelf in the opposite corner of the room, which was stacked with varying pots of all shapes and sizes. "Check the labels of the flowers over there. I restocked my emouria yesterday, so there should be plenty. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have papers to grade."

Snape whirled around and stalked back towards his desk, once again taking a seat, while Harry headed for the shelf.

He poked through the various clay pots, each labeled with a different word in Snape's scrawling handwriting: _Baby Mandrake. Ginger. Sunflower Stem._

Finally, Harry found the pot marked _'Emouria.'_

He pulled the small pot off the shelf. Cradling it carefully in his hands, he carried it over to the cauldron and set it down on the floor, kneeling in front of it.

The emouria flower was a harsh pink color, and its stem was a rather ugly shade of brown.

"Extract the nectar," Harry mumbled to himself. "Okay…"

He reached forward, grasping the stem with one hand and the flower's bud in another, and pulled it apart.

The flower popped off the stem in a flurry of tiny, fuzzy petals, and Harry stood, brushing off his robes. He leaned over the cauldron, squeezing the flowerhead in his palm, and smiled as a few drops of clear liquid dripped into the green goo.

The cauldron creaked and Harry peeked inside. The nectar had apparently done its job; the green sludge in the cauldron had brightened to a happy, healthy blue.

"I finished!" Harry called loudly across the classroom.

"Did you?" Snape asked, standing up and walking towards him. He peered into the cauldron. "Hm."

"Well?" Harry demanded impatiently. "Is it good? Does it work? Can I leave now?"

Snape reached into the pocket of his robes, pulling out a transparent glass vial, and stuck his arm into the cauldron, filling the vial with the blue potion.

He pulled the vial dripping out of the cauldron and studied it, holding it up and studying it.

Just then, without any warning, the vial exploded in Snape's hand.

A cloud of thick black smoke clogged the classroom and Harry broke out into coughs.

Alarmed, he squinted through the inky darkness. Where was Snape? What had he _done?_

After two long, pain-filled minutes of tense silence broken only by hacking coughs, the haze cleared.

And Harry saw no sign of Snape.

Terror tightened in his stomach. Sure, he had always hated the guy… but he didn't want to _vaporize_ him!

"I've always been horrible at Potions," Harry moaned to himself. He just hadn't realized that his inability to complete a simple drought would lead to him accidentally exploding his teacher.

A sudden cry shattered the spinning, anxious thoughts in Harry's mind.

Slowly, dreading what he would see, Harry looked down.

And there, curled up in a black blanket amongst the shards of glass and droplets of blue potion on the floor was a wailing, dark-haired baby.

Harry screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Harry had never been more horrified in his entire life.

Sure, he had faced the de-bodied face of the Dark Lord himself on the back of somebody's head when he was only _eleven,_ but the fear of realizing that he accidentally turned his Potions professor into a baby was a _completely_ different kind of terror.

"I'm dreaming," Harry muttered desperately to himself, taking off his round glasses and closing his eyes. "This is not real."

He put his glasses back on.

Opened his eyes.

And the sobbing child on the floor didn't disappear.

He let out an anguished cry when the true weight of what he had done sank onto his shoulders.

"Dumbledore's going to expel me," he whispered. "I'm going to be stuck with a greasy-haired baby for the rest of my life!"

Baby Snape let out a particularly ear-shattering shriek, and Harry wished he could break down bawling as well.

But he couldn't.

"I need to fix this," he shouted, trying to hear himself think over Baby Snape's wails. _"I need to fix this. How do I fix this?!"_

The answer came to him all at once: Hermione.

"I need to find Hermione!" Harry announced loudly. He leapt to his feet, practically dashing towards the door, when-

"I can't leave Snape on the floor like that, can I?" he sighed, looking over his shoulder to wear the baby was wrapped up on the floor.

Trudging back across the room, Harry stared down at Baby Snape. He was quite skinny, with a mop of floppy dark hair, and his robes had somehow magically transformed into a blanket that swaddled him completely. His eyes were scrunched tightly shut and he waved his pale, curled fists in the air.

He really was an ugly baby.

Sighing, Harry scooped Baby Snape up in his arms, relieved when the crying abruptly stopped.

"If you vomit on me," Harry warned, "I'll feed you to the Giant Squid."

As if to mock him, Baby Snape opened his wide, dark eyes and spat a glob of saliva onto the front of his robes.

Grimacing, Harry shifted the baby to one arm so he could reach into his robe pocket with his free hand, pulling out his shimmery invisibility cloak. He had stuffed it into his pocket in the morning on a hunch, and was infinitely glad he had taken it.

Draping the cloak over himself and Baby Snape, Harry arranged the fabric so they were fully concealed and hurriedly left the now-empty Potions classroom.

He moved as quickly as possible through the hallways, straying away from large groups of students and internally pleading with Baby Snape to stay quiet. To his great relief, the baby was sucking contentedly at his fingers and didn't seem to have an interest in starting to cry again.

By the time they had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady that led into the Gryffindor Common Room, Harry was emotionally exhausted; not only that, but his arms were growing slightly sore from holding Baby Snape for so long.

"Spice cake," Harry whispered to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

In the portrait frame, she jolted awake, eyes darting wildly across the hallway. "Who's there?" she called, but swung open without even giving him a chance to answer because he had gotten the password correct.

Climbing through the portrait hole, Harry let his shoulders relax as he drank in the comforting colors of red and gold. The Common Room was empty, luckily, save for Hermione, who was curled up on an armchair by the hearth, her nose buried in some thick book.

Perfect.

Letting the portrait swing soundlessly shut behind him, Harry padded across the Common Room and made his way towards Hermione's armchair. She idly twirled a strand of her bushy brown hair around her finger as she read, completely engrossed in her book.

Harry bent down near the side of Hermione's chair and shook his head wildly, letting the hood of the cloak slide off his hair and reveal his face. "Hi, Hermione."

Hermione let out a loud yelp, immediately raising her book and slapping him across the face with it.

Harry tumbled to the ground, groaning, his nose throbbing from where Hermione had hit him.

"Blimey, Hermione," he complained. "That _hurt."_

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" Hermione retorted, obviously annoyed. "And take your invisibility cloak off, or someone will come in and see your head floating around with no body."

Harry bit his lip. "About that… I need your help with something."

Hermione set down her book in her lap, her dark eyes sparking with interest. "What sort of something?"

Exhaling shakily, Harry stood up and pulled off his cloak, letting it fall to the ground in a heap, revealing the baby he had cradled in his arms.

Hermione shrieked. "Where did you get a _baby_ from, Harry?!"

"That's the thing," Harry explained sheepishly. "It's not just any baby… it's Professor Snape."

Hermione's jaw dropped. For a long moment, she was drop-dead silent.

Finally, she spoke. "You really messed up this time, Harry, didn't you?"

Harry nodded miserably.

Hermione took a deep breath, her gaze focused intently on Baby Snape. "How even… how did you… what… when did this… how did you manage to do this?"

"You know how Dumbledore wanted Snape to tutor me in Potions?" Harry explained in a rush. "Well, my Potion exploded in his face, and the next thing I knew, he was a _baby._ Please help me. We _have_ to get him back to normal before anybody else finds out."

Just then, a familiar voice spoke out from behind them. "Heya, Harry. Hello, Hermione."

Harry spun around to see Ron standing in the entrance to the Common Room.

The moment Ron's glance fell on the baby- who was now, thankfully, sleeping- in Harry's arms, his eyes widened.

"Harry," Ron whispered. "What the bloody hell did you _do?"_

"Language, Ronald," Hermione snapped. "Don't use words like that around the child."

Harry let out a loud, frustrated groan. He had a _lot_ of explaining to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: Ron's lullaby was created by me :)**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

The three Gryffindors sat on the floor in a circle by the fireplace, whispering in especially quiet tones as to not wake Baby Snape, who was being gently rocked back and forth in Hermione's arms- Harry had begged her to hold him, because he was getting extremely tired of cradling his de-aged Potions professor ("It's just plain wrong, Hermione," he had complained).

After Harry had explained the whole fiasco to them, Ron looked deeply disturbed, while Hermione just seemed pensive.

"Do you know any spell that'll reverse this?" Harry asked her desperately.

"I haven't heard of one," Hermione admitted. "What I still don't understand, though, is how this happened. You said you were trying to make a health potion by adding emouria nectar into the cauldron, right, Harry?"

"Right," Harry confirmed.

Hermione frowned. "That doesn't make sense. If you added the nectar correctly, the potion should've had no unusual effects that all."

"I just… I squeezed the flower over the pot," Harry said. "That's all I did."

Hermione's gaze suddenly filled with understanding. "Did an emouria seed, by any chance, fall into the cauldron?"

"I don't know," Harry replied, trying to think back to the Potions classroom. "I don't… think so? I mean, it's possible."

"If a seed _did_ fall into the brew," Hermione murmured, "that _could_ explain why the Potion had such drastic effects. You turned it not only into a potion of rejuvenation, but into a potion of youth… if that's even possible."

"Blimey, mate," Ron said, shaking his head sympathetically, "you really are rubbish at Potions."

"Thanks, Ron," Harry muttered.

Baby Snape stirred in Hermione's arms, letting out a whine.

"Shh," Hermione whispered. "Shh, shh, go to sleep."

Ron leaned over to whisper into Harry's ear. "Am I the only one who's going to be scarred for life by this?"

"No," Harry whispered back. "I think I'm going to be, too."

"I need to get down to the library," Hermione said suddenly. "If I can just look through some books, I might be able to find a recipe for an antidote."

"Who's going to stay with the baby?" Ron asked uneasily.

"You are," Hermione replied, promptly thrusting the baby into Ron's arms.

Ron's eyes bulged out of his head at the bundled child cradled in his hands. "Hermione," Ron begged in a frantic whisper, _"please_ don't leave me with this- this- this miniature child demon spawn!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Stop being such a drama queen. You'll survive. I'll be back as soon as I can."

And with that, she stood up, dusted off her robes, and strode across the Common Room towards the portrait hole.

Once the two boys heard the sound of the portrait swinging shut behind her, Ron turned to Harry, eyes wide in terror. "What am I supposed to do with him?"

"I don't _know!"_ Harry exclaimed, throwing up his hands.

He must have been too loud, though, for Baby Snape pulled a face, his eyes and nose scrunching as his mouth opened wide.

"Oh no," Harry breathed. "He's going to cry."

They listened in horrified silence as the baby sucked in a huge breath of air… and let out an ear-shattering wail.

"Gah!" Ron shrieked, flinching back. _"How do we make it stop?"_ he shouted over the din.

 _"Try what Hermione was doing!"_ Harry bellowed back. _"Sing a lullaby to him or something!"_

Shaking his head as if he were going to die, Ron began to rock Baby Snape gently in his arms.

The crying didn't cease.

Harry shot Ron a pointed look. _"Lullaby,_ Ron, _lullaby!"_

"Er…" Ron stammered nervously, taking a deep breath. _"Once there was a little wizard in a tree…"_

Baby Snape stopped crying, blinking his eyes open curiously and staring up at Ron.

Swallowing hard, the red-headed boy continued. _"... and that wizard knew a spell that was dead-ly…"_

Harry's mouth dropped open incredulously, but Ron went on.

 _"... the wizard accidental-ly killed a Mal-foy…"_

Now Harry was struggling to hold back his laughter.

 _"... and used the Malfoy's wand… as a chew-toy."_

Baby Snape gurgled happily, his eyes fluttering closed once more as his breathing evened out.

"Well done," Harry snickered.

Ron glared at him. "At least I made the little beast stop crying."

"Where did you hear that lullaby?" Harry said, still grinning to himself.

"I made it up," Ron said, a smile twitching across his lips. "I'm quite proud of it, if I do say so myself."

"A baby wizard accidentally killed a Malfoy?" a new voice spoke up from behind them. "I find that rather hard to believe."

Harry and Ron exchanged panicked looks. Slowly, they peeked around the side of the armchair they were sitting beside and saw Hermione standing in the entrance to the Common Room…

… with Draco Malfoy by her side.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: The passage Draco reads from his book was created by me :)**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

"What are you doing here, Malfoy?" Ron demanded, jumping to his feet in a gesture that was probably meant to be intimidating, but the effect was extremely dulled by the fact that he was carefully cradling a swaddled baby in his arms.

"Relax, Weasel," Draco sneered. "I don't want to be in your filthy Common Room any more than you want me to be, so let's just get this over with, shall we?"

"Why did you bring him here, Hermione?" Harry demanded.

"Look," Hermione said, "I know that none of us like him- because he's an arrogant, obnoxious, disrespectful-"

"- pigheaded," Ron interrupted, "ugly, stuck-up-"

"- prat," Harry finished, scowling at the platinum-haired Slytherin. "And that's just to name a few."

Draco smirked. "Is that the best you can do, Potter? 'Prat?'"

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but Hermione cut him off.

"So we all despise him," she continued, "but, as much as I hate to admit it, he's the best Potions student in our year. We need his help."

"That you do," Draco agreed, eyeing the baby in Ron's arms. "That's Professor Snape?" He scoffed. "Wow, Potter, you're even worse at Potions than I thought- and _that's_ saying something."

In an instant, Harry had his wand in his hand and was aiming it right at Draco's chest.

"What are you going to do?" Draco leered, his gray eyes glinting. "Hit me with a spell?"

 _"Harry!"_ Hermione cried indignantly. "That's enough! We need Malfoy's help, whether we like it or not."

Hermione started walking towards them, Draco following close behind.

Draco peered down at Baby Snape, who was sleeping soundly. "I can't believe this used to be our Potions professor," he murmured thoughtfully. His steel gaze snapped up to Harry's. "And I can't believe you actually created a _youth_ potion. Even if it was accidental, a potion like that could sell for hundreds of thousands of Galleons."

"I don't want the money, Malfoy," Harry sighed. "I just want to get Snape back to normal before anyone finds out what I did."

"So… Dumbledore doesn't know?" Draco asked, sounding interested- _too_ interested.

"Don't even think about blackmail, Malfoy," Hermione said, her voice dangerously quiet. "You will help us, and then you will leave. Do you understand?"

Draco glanced at her, a brief flash of fear passing through his face. "Of course, Mudbl- Granger," he corrected himself quickly after seeing Ron glaring daggers at him.

"We also brought some books," Hermione remembered. She reached into the pocket of her robes and pulled out five miniscule books, each the size of a quill tip. She tilted her hand, letting them tumble off her palm and onto the Common Room carpet, before aiming her wand at them and murmuring a spell.

The books grew rapidly until they were full-sized, lying in a pile on the ground.

Hermione plopped down cross-legged beside the pile of books and pulled the thickest one onto her lap, flipping it open.

She looked at the three boys expectantly. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

Harry sat down first, grabbing a book for himself, and Draco took a seat beside him. Warily, Ron sat down between Hermione and Harry, glancing uneasily at Draco the whole time.

"Where do you want me to put Snape?" Ron asked. "I need my hands to read."

"Just hold him," Hermione said, not even glancing up from her book. "We'll take shifts. After Harry's done reading, he'll take him, and you can have a chance to read."

"Why do _I_ have to take him?" Harry complained absently.

He got no answer. Both Hermione and Draco were too engrossed in their reading to hear him.

.oOo.

After a good ten minutes of silence broken only by the sound of flipping pages, Draco spoke up.

"I think I found something," he announced, pointing to a spot on the page. "Listen to this: _'The emouria flower has been a well-revered one for centuries, for, when mixed with gheginjor root, it can make the injured or the elderly feel stronger and healthier. However, all the parts of the emouria flower have their own special uses, not just the nectar. Emouria seeds are said to lower one's intelligence- often times, wizards play pranks on other wizards by slipping an emouria seed into their food. Once digested, this seed can make even the wisest of wizards as un-matured as a child.'"_

"That could explain why Snape's a baby," Hermione said slowly. "I thought the seed might have something to do with it, and I think this just confirms it. Harry must've accidentally dropped a seed into the gheginjor root along with the emouria nectar."

"But it's not like Snape _drank_ the potion," Harry reminded them. "He was just holding it in a vial, and it exploded in his hand."

"Maybe it had something to do with the seed being combined with the root?" Draco suggested. "I mean, it would make sense… health and lowering intelligence could theoretically turn someone into a baby… right?"

Ron, who had been quiet the entire time, spoke up. "We need an antidote. There's got to be some sort of antidote."

"Do you know how to make one, Malfoy?" Harry asked. "An antidote. Do you know how to do it?"

Draco bit his lip. "I've got an idea in mind, but it's a potion that'll take a few days to complete."

"Great!" Harry said, relief evident in his voice. "Perfect! When can you start working on it?"

"I can- I can start now, if you want," Draco suggested. "But… I don't know for sure if it'll work."

"An idea is the only thing we have right now," Hermione said. "Let's all head down to the Potions classroom. Draco should have all the ingredients he needs down there."

"How are we supposed to bring the baby down there without being spotted?" Draco asked.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all exchanged a glance.

"Don't you dare tell him," Ron warned.

"We have to," Harry replied.

"No we don't," Hermione interjected. "We can get down there with the baby, and he can go down there by himself."

"He doesn't need to know!" Ron insisted.

"Care to fill me in on what's happening here?" Draco interrupted dryly. "In case you haven't noticed, reading the minds of three arrogant Gryffindors isn't exactly my talent."

Harry took a deep breath and Hermione just shook her head in defeat.

"I have an invisibility cloak," Harry admitted.

The look on Draco's face was well worth the confession- his expression went from stunned to shocked to disbelieving in a matter of seconds.

Finally, he sneered. "Don't lie to me, Potter. Invisibility cloaks don't exist."

Ron snorted. "See? _This_ is what we get for telling him."

"Harry's telling the truth, Malfoy," Hermione sighed, sounding resigned. "We don't care if you don't believe us." She turned to Harry. "Where did you leave the cloak, anyway?"

"It should be somewhere here," he murmured, running his fingers along the Common Room carpet, groping around until he felt silky cool fabric beneath his fingers. "Found it."

Draco watched, looking a mix of suspicious and eager, as Harry picked up the cloak and tossed it over his head.

In an instant, he had vanished.

Draco's jaw dropped. "How- where- Potter, are you there?"

Harry smirked. Leaning forward so his face was inches away from Draco's, he whispered, _"Boo."_

Draco shrieked, recoiling and falling over backwards in an attempt to scramble away from the voice that had come out of nowhere.

Harry pulled the hood of the cloak off his hair so only his head was visible, snickering. Ron had burst out in laughter, and even Hermione was struggling to stifle her amused smile.

Draco flushed and quickly stood, brushing off his robes. "We have to get down to the library. And I'm not carrying the professor."

With that, he held his nose in the air and strode towards the portrait hole.

"Good one, Harry," Ron grinned, standing up as well, being careful as to not drop Snape. He, Harry, and Hermione joined Draco at the Common Room exit.

"So, how should we do this?" Hermione inquired thoughtfully.

Harry shrugged- at least, he _tried_ to shrug, but nobody saw it, since his body was still invisible. "Well, we can-"

"Potter," Draco interrupted, "do you mind taking off that cloak? Seeing your talking, floating head isn't exactly a pleasant sight."

Rolling his eyes, Harry pulled off the cloak completely, and his body re-appeared beneath his neck. "As I was saying," he continued, "whoever carries Baby Snape needs to be wearing the cloak."

"I'll carry him," Hermione offered.

"Thank _Merlin!"_ Ron gushed, thrusting Baby Snape into Hermione's arms. "He's all yours."

"Ron!" Hermione scolded. "He's a _baby._ You've got to be careful when passing him off."

She carefully arranged Baby Snape's head so it was nestled comfortably in the crook of her elbow. "There."

Harry then stepped forward, throwing the cloak over Hermione and fixing it so she was completely invisible.

"Ready?" Ron asked.

"Ready," Hermione's voice confirmed.

Ron nodded and stepped through the portrait hole, followed closely by Harry, invisible Hermione, and, finally, Draco.

"Distasteful," the Fat Lady muttered as her portrait swung shut, sealing the Gryffindor Common Room. "Allowing a Slytherin into the Common Room… an absolute disgrace."

Ignoring her, the four hurried down the corridor, heading for Snape's Potions classroom.

"You still there, Hermione?" Ron asked in a low voice.

"Yep," Hermione replied, "I'm still here."

They stuck close to the wall as they passed by a mob of chattering first-years, trying their hardest to be inconspicuous. They made their way through countless corridors and staircases, the three boys nervously eyeing the invisible figure that walked beside them, afraid he would make a sound and give Hermione away.

They were nearly at Snape's classroom when, to their horror, Snape began to cry.


	5. Chapter 5

**I am _so, so, so sorry_ for the late update! D:**

 **More chapters will be released shortly to make up for it. I hope you enjoy this anyway!**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

"Granger!" Draco hissed, eyes widening, "shut him up!"

"I'm _trying!"_ Hermione's voice snapped back. "Shh, shh, stop crying, Professor. Shh."

Heads in the hallway began to turn to look at them, and the three visible boys exchanged panicked glances.

Harry's mind raced. They needed a distraction, something, _anything_ that would be loud enough to cover Snape's wails.

Then an idea came to him.

 _"Wingardium Leviosa!"_ Harry bellowed, whipping his wand out of the pocket of his robes and aiming a magical blast straight at Draco.

The Slytherin was swept into the air, looking absolutely furious.

 _"Potter!"_ Draco shouted. _"What, exactly, do you think you're doing?"_

 _"I don't know!"_ Harry screamed back. _"I… I hate you!"_

 _"I hate you too!"_ Draco yelled, suddenly catching on. With all the racket they were causing, nobody could hear Baby Snape's cries.

"Ron," Harry muttered under his breath, "get Hermione out of here. Go to the Potions classroom."

Ron nodded once, face even paler than usual, and whispered something seemingly into thin air. Harry heard twin pairs of footsteps as Ron and the invisible Hermione raced out of the crowded corridor, Baby Snape's crying receding.

With a wave of his wand, Harry released Draco from where he had been suspended in midair, and he crumpled to the ground.

The hallway was deathly silent and still, all eyes trained on the two boys.

Draco ran a hand through his pale hair self-consciously. "What are you all gaping at?" he spat. "Mind your own business!"

The crowd that had formed around them immediately dispersed, students once again heading in all directions and going to their next class.

Harry and Draco exchanged looks.

"That was uncalled for," Draco said angrily.

Harry shrugged, feeling slightly guilty. "Sorry, I suppose… it was the first thing that came to mind."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Don't you Gryffindors ever think before you act?"

"It's not exactly what we're known for," Harry retorted. To his surprise, a small smile flitted across Draco's face before he managed to school his features back into his usual scowl.

"Hurry up," Draco demanded. "Weasel and the Mud- Granger are probably waiting for us in the Potions room already."

With a nod, Harry and Draco silently pushed their way through students and made their way to Snape's classroom.

.oOo.

When they walked into the Potions room, Draco immediately blanched at all the glass shards and potion droplets that littered the floor.

"This is _not_ a safe environment for a child," Hermione was in the middle of saying to Ron, eyeing the sharp bits of glass that coated every surface.

She was perched on the edge of Snape's desk, rocking Baby Snape back and forth in her arms. She had somehow managed to get him to stop crying, and he was clutching a clump of her hair in one of his tiny fists, his dark eyes blinking up at the ceiling.

Ron was rummaging through the shelves that lined the walls, looking through all of Snape's ingredients.

"Brilliant distraction, Harry," Hermione noted, glancing up at him.

"I can't believe we're skipping Transfiguration for this," Ron moaned. "If Mum finds out, she'll have my head!"

Hermione sighed. "I agree. I've never skipped class before, it feels _beyond_ strange… I wonder if Professor McGonagall will find it suspicious that all three of us are missing at once?"

"Of course she'll find it suspicious," Draco snorted. "And she'll find it even stranger that I wasn't in class either. She's not stupid; she'll know that something's up."

"We don't really have a choice," Hermione said, glancing down at Baby Snape. "We can't just leave him."

"What are we going to do during dinner?" Ron called from across the room, where he was peering into an empty cauldron.

"Ron, now is _not_ the time to think about food!" Harry scolded, aghast.

"That's not what I _meant_ ," Ron retorted. "I mean, where are we going to leave the baby while we're in the Great Hall?"

"We'll figure something out," Harry promised, running a hand through his hair and looking at Draco. "Well, Malfoy, can you start on the antidote?"

"I need a cauldron," Draco answered.

"There are plenty over here," Ron said dryly, gesturing over to the row of empty cauldrons in the back of Snape's classroom.

Draco made a face at him but followed him to the back of the room, dragging a cauldron into the center of the classroom.

Harry grimaced as it screeched unpleasantly along the stone floor. As Draco joined Ron in searching through Snape's cabinets and shelves, Harry headed over to Hermione to check up on the baby.

"How's he doing?" Harry asked.

Hermione smiled. "He's not crying, which is good, but I have a feeling he's going to get hungry any minute now."

Harry's eyes widened. "If he gets hungry… does that mean he's going to cry again?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?"

Panicked, Harry backtracked, stumbling towards the classroom door. "I'll go to the kitchens and get food. What to babies eat?"

"He's not going to _eat_ anything," Hermione replied. "We need _milk_ , Harry, in a bottle, preferably. Warmed up, too. Can you get one of those?"

"Yes," Harry said, nodding frantically. "Right away, Hermione." He turned to where Ron was digging through a basket of herbs. "Oi! Ron! You're with me!"

Ron seemed just as eager as he was to escape the Potions room, and, together, the two Gryffindor boys went sprinting down the hallway.

"Hurry up," Harry said. "We've got to get to the kitchens."

Now that classes were in session, the corridors were pleasantly empty. Ron's shoes squeaked as they rounded a sharp corner and made their way towards the Hogwarts kitchens.

.oOo.

As they went to look for bottles of milk, Hermione prayed that Baby Snape would stay quiet for at least a little while longer. She swung her legs up onto Snape's desk and made sure she was comfortable- she wasn't sure how much longer she would need to sit there, rocking the baby in her arms.

"How's it going over there?" she asked Draco, who was on the other side of the classroom.

"Fine," Draco replied absently, pulling a bundle of green-leafed stems off a shelf and sprinkling bits of them into the cauldron. He sighed. "So far, I've added some gheginjor root leaves and some water to make the base of the antidote, but I still have no idea what flower will neutralize the effects of the emouria nectar and seeds."

"I need to get back down to the library," Hermione said. "I can bring more books about emouria. It might help you come up with a working antidote."

"You can't leave," Draco said, glancing up at her. "What are you going to do with the baby?"

"I'll leave him with you," Hermione replied. The more she thought about the idea, the better it seemed. While Harry and Ron went to the kitchens to bring milk bottles, she could head down to the library where she would actually be _useful,_ and Draco could play babysitter.

She hopped off Snape's desk, holding the gurgling baby in her outstretched arms. As she advanced towards Draco, he slowly backed away from her until his back met with the classroom wall and he had nowhere else to go.

Hermione gently placed Baby Snape in Draco's hands. He looked down at the child, eyes widening in panic.

"Good luck," Hermione said with a cheery smile.

She dashed out of the classroom before Draco could call her back.


	6. Chapter 6

**This update is very long overdue, I know... D:**

 **I hope you enjoy it anyway! The books _All You Need to Know About Emouria_ and _Raising a Wizarding Child 101_ were created by me.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

Harry and Ron high-fived each other as they made their way back from the kitchens and towards the Potions room, each clutching a bottle of freshly warmed milk.

As they grew closer to the classroom, they could hear the sound of desperate sobbing that grew louder with every step.

Exchanging panicked looks, the two boys broke out into a run, reaching the entrance of the classroom in record time.

There they saw Draco Malfoy, standing in the middle of the room beside a cauldron and clutching Baby Snape tightly in his arms as the baby wailed and flailed, fists lashing out at the air.

Draco's gaze snapped up to the doorway.

 _"Help me!"_ he pleaded.

Harry and Ron entered the classroom and stepped warily towards him, looking at Baby Snape like he was a grenade.

"The bottle!" Harry remembered. Hurrying forward, Harry thrust the bottle of milk into Baby Snape's mouth.

The milk spilled over the baby's face and he began to cough wetly, choking.

 _"He's going to die!"_ Ron screamed. _"We're going to murder our baby professor!"_

Just then, Hermione entered the classroom. "What in blazes is going on here?" she shrieked, dashing over to where Draco, Ron, Harry, and Baby Snape were all having a meltdown.

Dropping the books she was carrying, Hermione snatched Baby Snape out of Draco's grasp and cradled him close to her chest so his head rested on her shoulder.

She patted his back and the coughing subsided. Then, swaying back and forth slightly on her feet, she began to hum.

Baby Snape hiccuped and stopped sobbing, instead bunching up the collar of Hermione's robes in one tiny fist and once again nodding off to sleep.

Once a peaceful silence descended over the room, Hermione spun around to the three boys.

"I leave you alone with the baby for _ten minutes,"_ she started, "and you almost _kill_ him by pouring _milk_ down his throat to get him to stop crying!"

Even Draco had the decency to look ashamed.

"Honestly," Hermione muttered. "You three don't know the first thing about childcare."

Sighing, she once again crossed the classroom and sat down on the edge of Snape's desk, her feet dangling in the air.

"I brought two books," she announced, nodding her head towards the two thick volumes she had dropped to the ground. Harry bent down to pick them up.

 _"'All You Need to Know About Emouria,'"_ Harry read off the cover of the first book.

Draco nodded his approval. "Good choice."

"And the next book…" Harry continued, glancing at the title page of the second novel. He hesitated. _"'Raising a Wizarding Child 101?'"_

"You have _no idea_ what kind of strange looks Madam Pince gave me for borrowing _that_ one," Hermione commented. "I believe she now thinks I'm expecting a child."

Draco pulled the first book out of Harry's hands. "I'll start reading through the emouria book," he said, plopping down cross-legged on the floor and flipping it open.

"And… I suppose I'll read the childcare book," Ron said reluctantly, taking the second book from Harry.

As he began to thumb through the book, Harry picked up the two milk bottles from the floor and brought them to Hermione.

"Thanks," she said, gently guiding one bottle to Baby Snape's mouth. He began to drink it gratefully, not even bothering to open his eyes.

 _"'Welcome, new parents!'"_ Ron read aloud. He grimaced, but continued. _"'Congratulations on your firstborn child!'"_

"I'm not ready to be a father," Draco muttered, but he didn't glance up from his own reading.

Ron went on. "'The first thing you need to do is settle on a name.'"

"We already have one," Harry snickered. "Let's call him Severus S. G. Snape."

"S. G?" Hermione questioned.

"Slimy Git," Harry replied with a grin.

Draco snorted. "I'm sure he'd appreciate the sentiment, Potter."

 _"'Make sure your significant other is in agreement. You don't want to ruin relationships over deciding your child's name,'"_ Ron read.

"Are we all in agreement?" Harry asked.

"I suppose," Draco shrugged.

"Then Severus S. G. Snape it is," Ron grinned, before turning his attention back to the book. _"'You must now understand that routine is the most important part of a young child's life. Your child must be fed at the same time every day- you should start with feeding your newborn at two hour intervals. This means that you will be waking up at night to make sure your child stays well-fed.'"_

"At night?" Harry repeated incredulously. "So it's not bad enough that the little monster takes away all our free time during the day, but he isn't going to let us _sleep_ , either?"

"It's all part of raising a child, Harry," Hermione reminded him.

Groaning, he sunk to the ground, leaning against the base of Snape's desk. "Continue, Ron."

 _"'You will also need to-'"_

"Oh, Merlin!" Hermione interrupted with a yelp.

"Everything okay, Granger?" Draco called, glancing up from his book.

"He went to the bathroom," Hermione grimaced.

Immediately, the faces of the three boys paled.

"Who's going to… who's going to clean it up?" Ron whispered.

"Harry is," Hermione replied promptly.

 _"What?"_ Harry demanded. "Why should it be me?"

"Because you're the one who got us into this mess in the first place," Draco reminded him helpfully.

Harry scowled. "Thanks bunches, Malfoy."

Stalking over to Hermione, he held out his arms and set his jaw.

Hermione placed the bundled baby in his hands, and Harry grimaced.

"I can feel it mashing around in the blanket," he hissed between clenched teeth.

Draco and Ron shuddered simultaneously.

"Good luck, mate," Ron said to Harry. "I have faith in you."

Hermione, Harry, and Draco all stepped back as Harry set Baby Snape down on the desk.

"Where do I… how do I even _start?"_

"Unwrap his blanket," Hermione suggested.

Swallowing hard, Harry pinched the ends of the black blanket in his fingers and pulled the folds of fabric apart, unravelling it.

The room was instantly filled by the most foul smell any of them had ever encountered.

"Gah!" Draco gagged, cupping a hand over his nose. "Hurry up and get on with it or we'll all die from that stink!"

"You're not- you're not the one who has to get all up-close and personal to it," Harry replied raspily, trying his best not to vomit as he spotted the contents of the blanket.

.oOo.

Once the ordeal was over and Baby Snape was swaddled in a clean, fluffy blanket (courtesy of Hermione) and the soiled blanket had been burned (thanks to one of Draco's spells), Harry handed Baby Snape back to Hermione, satisfied.

"I'm scarred for life," Harry muttered. "I just cleaned up my professor's-" He retched, unable to finish his sentence. "This is so _wrong."_

"I'm never having kids," Draco grumbled.

"Me neither," Ron whispered, looking thoroughly horrified.

"I think I agree with you three for once," Hermione said queasily. "I don't think that smell will _ever_ clean out of my clothes. Or my hair."

The four of them nodded their disgust.

"Okay," Draco said, clearing his throat. "Let's keep working on the antidote. We need to get Snape back to normal as soon as possible."


End file.
